A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother,
‘Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly
hair?’
‘That's your father.’
‘Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?’

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished
building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it
himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it
for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to
give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning ‘I’) then pointed at his
knees (meaning ‘need), and moved his hand back and forth describing
the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he
understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and
started yelling at this guy, ‘You idiot, I was trying to tell you I
needed a hand saw.’
The other guy replied, ‘I know, I was trying to tell you that I was
coming.’

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. ‘How'd
you die?’ the first man asks the second.
‘I froze to death,’ says the second.
‘That's awful,’ says the first man. ‘How does it feel to freeze
to death?’
‘It's very uncomfortable at first’, says the second man. ‘You get
the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But
eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of
drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?’
‘I had a heart attack,’ says the first man. ‘You see, I knew my
wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to
the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the
second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I
could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart
attack and died.’ The second man shakes his head. ‘That's so
ironic,’ he says.
‘What do you mean?’ asks the first man.
‘If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be
alive.’

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor
condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
‘Damn, that was stupid,’ she thought as she fell. ‘What a way to
die.’
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her
in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, ‘Do you
suck?’
‘No!’ she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
‘Do you screw?’ he asked.
‘Of course not!’ she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have
it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. ‘I
suck! I screw!’ she screamed in panic.
‘Slut!’ he said, and dropped her.

When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven." The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter. "Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."

Employee : Sir, you called me?
Boss : Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee : (After few mins) ,done sir
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : Done again, sir.
Boss : Do it once more
Employee : Now I don't have
stamina for it, sir.
Boss : Very good,here are my car
keys, drop my daughter at home.

A True Fact.

“Men Wants To Fuck All Women But Want To Marry Virgin.”

“Women Wants Men To Be A Great Fucker, But They Don’t Allow Them To Practice Elsewhere.”