How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Monday 30 December 2013
Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a
conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket
beside hers.
‘Hello, sir,’ she said, ‘Do you like movies?’
‘Yes, I do,’ he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. ‘Do you like gardening?’
The man again looked up from his book. ‘Yes, I do,’ he said
politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. ‘Do you like pussycats?’ With that, the
man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd
never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a
sitting position and panted, ‘How did you know that was what I
wanted?’
The man thought for a moment and replied, ‘How did you know my name
was Katz?’
conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket
beside hers.
‘Hello, sir,’ she said, ‘Do you like movies?’
‘Yes, I do,’ he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. ‘Do you like gardening?’
The man again looked up from his book. ‘Yes, I do,’ he said
politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. ‘Do you like pussycats?’ With that, the
man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd
never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a
sitting position and panted, ‘How did you know that was what I
wanted?’
The man thought for a moment and replied, ‘How did you know my name
was Katz?’
A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, ‘Mom I've got a
problem.’
She says ‘Tell me.’ He tells her that the boys at school are using
2 words he doesn't understand.
She asks him what they are.
He says ‘well, pussy and bitch’.
She says ‘Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little
Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy.’
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement.
He says to his dad, ‘Dad the boys at school are using words I don't
know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says ‘Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she
cant handle them. What are the words?’
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says ‘OK’ and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a
marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, ‘son,
everything inside this circle, is pussy.’
‘OK dad, so what's a bitch?’
‘Son’ he says, ‘everything outside that circle.’
problem.’
She says ‘Tell me.’ He tells her that the boys at school are using
2 words he doesn't understand.
She asks him what they are.
He says ‘well, pussy and bitch’.
She says ‘Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little
Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy.’
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement.
He says to his dad, ‘Dad the boys at school are using words I don't
know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says ‘Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she
cant handle them. What are the words?’
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says ‘OK’ and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a
marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, ‘son,
everything inside this circle, is pussy.’
‘OK dad, so what's a bitch?’
‘Son’ he says, ‘everything outside that circle.’
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him ‘Buddy’ or
‘Lassie’. I call mine ‘Sex’. Now, Sex has been very
embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's
license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He
said, ‘I would like to have one too!’ Then I said, ‘But she is a
dog!’ He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, ‘You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old.’ He
replied, ‘You must have been quite a strong boy.’ When I decided to
get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the
wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said,
‘But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around Sex.’ He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy
having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice
of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When
my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me
and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the
motel is a place for sex. I said, ‘You don't understand. ... Sex
keeps me awake at night.’ The clerk said, ‘Me too!’
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking
around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets. ‘You don't
understand,’ I said, ‘I hoped to have Sex on TV.’ He called me a
show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, ‘Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex
left me after I was married.’ The Judge said, ‘Me too!’
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said, ‘I'm looking for Sex.’ -- My case
comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me,
‘What seems to be the trouble?’ I replied, ‘Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live
any longer so lonely.’ and the doctor said, ‘Look mister, you
should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a
dog.’
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him ‘Buddy’ or
‘Lassie’. I call mine ‘Sex’. Now, Sex has been very
embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's
license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He
said, ‘I would like to have one too!’ Then I said, ‘But she is a
dog!’ He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, ‘You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old.’ He
replied, ‘You must have been quite a strong boy.’ When I decided to
get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the
wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said,
‘But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around Sex.’ He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy
having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice
of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When
my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me
and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the
motel is a place for sex. I said, ‘You don't understand. ... Sex
keeps me awake at night.’ The clerk said, ‘Me too!’
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking
around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets. ‘You don't
understand,’ I said, ‘I hoped to have Sex on TV.’ He called me a
show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, ‘Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex
left me after I was married.’ The Judge said, ‘Me too!’
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said, ‘I'm looking for Sex.’ -- My case
comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me,
‘What seems to be the trouble?’ I replied, ‘Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live
any longer so lonely.’ and the doctor said, ‘Look mister, you
should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a
dog.’
‘Lassie’. I call mine ‘Sex’. Now, Sex has been very
embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's
license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He
said, ‘I would like to have one too!’ Then I said, ‘But she is a
dog!’ He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, ‘You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old.’ He
replied, ‘You must have been quite a strong boy.’ When I decided to
get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the
wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said,
‘But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around Sex.’ He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy
having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice
of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When
my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me
and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the
motel is a place for sex. I said, ‘You don't understand. ... Sex
keeps me awake at night.’ The clerk said, ‘Me too!’
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking
around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets. ‘You don't
understand,’ I said, ‘I hoped to have Sex on TV.’ He called me a
show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, ‘Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex
left me after I was married.’ The Judge said, ‘Me too!’
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said, ‘I'm looking for Sex.’ -- My case
comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me,
‘What seems to be the trouble?’ I replied, ‘Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live
any longer so lonely.’ and the doctor said, ‘Look mister, you
should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a
dog.’
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him ‘Buddy’ or
‘Lassie’. I call mine ‘Sex’. Now, Sex has been very
embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's
license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He
said, ‘I would like to have one too!’ Then I said, ‘But she is a
dog!’ He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, ‘You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old.’ He
replied, ‘You must have been quite a strong boy.’ When I decided to
get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the
wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said,
‘But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around Sex.’ He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life
and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy
having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice
of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When
my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me
and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the
motel is a place for sex. I said, ‘You don't understand. ... Sex
keeps me awake at night.’ The clerk said, ‘Me too!’
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking
around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets. ‘You don't
understand,’ I said, ‘I hoped to have Sex on TV.’ He called me a
show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, ‘Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex
left me after I was married.’ The Judge said, ‘Me too!’
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said, ‘I'm looking for Sex.’ -- My case
comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me,
‘What seems to be the trouble?’ I replied, ‘Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live
any longer so lonely.’ and the doctor said, ‘Look mister, you
should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a
dog.’
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